I skipped work to stalk him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
