false alarm. still invincible.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
