you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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