There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
