I just pynch a tree in the face
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
