Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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