I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize