if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
