Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
