So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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