i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
