i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize