Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
