chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
