I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She announced her abortion via fbk
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
