you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize