clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
