i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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