can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so let's talk penis.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
