Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
