we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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