my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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