he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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