It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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