Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We have started to decorate penises.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize