I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
