Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
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