I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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