so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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