I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
