My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
