I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
COCAINE IS GR8
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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