dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
