We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
