I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize