I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
