Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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