i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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