My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
