Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
