The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
