Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize