How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
