Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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