she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
