If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
