This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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