i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this boner is exhausting
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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