Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
