beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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