Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
