I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
