weddingsv make me drug and hornr
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
