I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
