I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
