I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize