my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
