You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
