I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
