drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
