I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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