I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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