he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
