you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
