A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
