All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
