Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We have started to decorate penises.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
