I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize