his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
