Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
