I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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