btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Come share oat with me in your robe
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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