lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
