I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
