Betty ford says i'm here all night
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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