If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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