So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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