just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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