i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
