last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
