Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
