you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
