we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she smelled like a LAN party
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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